Top Ten Favorite Star Wars Creatures

In reading this list, remember this is all based on my opinion/memory, so if I forget the most favorite of creatures, please feel free to add them in the comments. Some characters toe the line between creatures and characters, so let's eliminate characters that speak English from the mix (sorry Yoda- you're out of this list!)





















(Make kids/geeks everywhere jealous with the Tauntaun sleeping bag!)

10. Tauntaun - This beast provided warmth for Luke and Han on the ice world of Hoth when Han cut his Tauntaun open so that he and Luke could climb inside. This also led to Han's excellent quote: "And I thought they smelled bad... on the outside!" I believe Jamie Foxx said something similar about Kirstie Alley!

9. Wampa - Speaking of Hoth and horned creatures, one ugly looking Wampa took Luke hostage in an ice cave and hung him upside by covering Luke's feet in ice! I'm no scientist, but this seems like an impossible scenario as you'd have to hold water around Luke's feet while it freezes leaving him upside-down. Still, Luke uses the force, grabs his lightsaber, frees himself, and cuts off the Wampa's arm- how very dark-side of you, Luke...

8. Three Creatures from the "Attack of the Clones" - Near the end when Anakin, Obi Wan, and Padme are chained up in the gladiator arena, three creatures come out to attack them- a Mantus, a Cat/Dog thing, and Rhino type creature. These are all pretty bad-ass, yet they all are defeated by the jedi. I'm always down for a Gladiator-esque arena battle- this one is just missing bengal tigers, Russell Crowe, and a telephone.

7. Jawas - Little entrepreneurial beings that ride around on sandcrawlers. They drive a hard bargain, initially sold Luke C-3Po and R2-D2, and constantly say "Tee-hee!" I don't know about you, but I want one as a pet. On second thought, maybe having one as a pet would be bad because it would constantly be trying to have yard sales with my things...

6. Colo Claw Fish - One of the only great moments from Episode I is where Obi Wan and Qui Gon are escaping from this massive fish in their little underwater cruiser. The moment is immediately ruined when this fish is eaten by another large sea creature and Qui Gon says, "There's always a bigger fish." Nice throw away line, George Lucas.

5. The Asteroid Worm/Snake Thing From "Empire" - When the Millenium Falcon lands on an asteroid and goes in a crater during "The Empire Strikes Back" there is no hint of danger. That is, of course, until they realize they are already inside some sort of worm or snake that wants to digest them. How they manage to escape from the belly of the beast is irrelavant- it still makes for a great movie moment (however ill-conceived it might be.)

4. The Rancor - Jabba the Hutt manages to trap Luke in a pit where the Rancor almost manages end Luke before he is able to schedule a rematch between him and his "come to the darkside" father, Darth Vader. Best part: When Luke sticks a bone into the Rancor's mouth!

3. The Sarlacc - This sandmonster is bad-ass! I came to this conclusion by the transitive property- because the Sarlacc actually eats Boba Fett in "Return of the Jedi," and Boba Fett is pretty bad-ass on his own, that means that the Sarlacc also has it's own legit street-cred. I mean, this thing is a mix between quicksand and a digesting hollow tree- what's not to like?






















2. Salacious B. Crumb - One of my favorite Star Wars creatures has to be this little guy! All he does is sit in Jabba the Hutt's chamber and laughes at everything Jabba does to taunt guests and prisoners. His signature cackle is one of the best parts of "Return of the Jedi." He is the ulimate "Yes-Man" for Jabba.

1. Chewbacca - The creature probably should count as a character, but he is the favorite Wookie, Chewbacca. He's quite involved in Episodes IV-VI and even makes a cameo in Episode III (Yoda loves riding around on shoulders, doesn't he?!) As Han Solo's trusted friend, Chewie is not only a cool creature, he's also a hero. Now can someone explain to me why all the Ewoks look like a Wookie got busy with a whole bunch of Endor midgets?

So that's it! May the force and what-not be with you...

R.I.P. 2009 Chicago Bears

I could use a reprieve from pictures of NFC North defenders taking Bears' QBs from behind (Google image search Rex Grossman and look at the first pic) but of course the Bears offensive line loves giving photographers these kind of poses.

The Bears, yet again, were available to me on regular TV from the comfort of my own home. I am fairly sure this season is the year where the Bears have been most readily available for me to watch on TV. And what a year it's been!

I am officially giving up on the season. I probably did this last week after the loss to the Eagles, but as a fan there is always a hope that Vince Young can come in and lead a team to 5 consecutive victories (oh, crap, the Bears don't have VY.)

So enough is enough. No more interceptions. No more .5 yard gains on Matt Forte runs. No more .3 second protections from the offensive line. No more Orlando Pace showing why he is the least athletic player in the NFL. No more special teams fumbles. No more defensive schemes that get carved up worse than the Thanksgiving turkey you probably ate on Thursday. No more three and outs. No more BORING Lovie Smith post game comments (he is the John Kerry of NFL coaches.)

Even President Obama, who is shown in the new slow motion NFL commercial is wearing a Bears jacket, but you would never know it because the camera angle never shows the logo. Even he knows that he can't show off his Bear-fan-ness for fear of setting the country into the state of emergency ("How can we trust a President that roots for the Bears?- they are terrible!")

But you know what? Is there hope in Chicago? I think there is. Would I make the trade to bring in Jay Cutler again? Yes. He is a quarterback that the Bears can work with, and don't forget that Johnny Knox was part of that deal. What did most people say when the Bears got Cutler? "He's great, but his offensive line is shaky, and he needs more weapons around him." What actually happened? For once, "most people" were actually correct. The Bears need better protection and more weapons. Hell! I'll settle for just better protection and I'd love to see what is possible. Their last ditch effort to add over the hill Orlando Pace does not count as good protection.

They also need to find a balance on offense. I'm sure they have a lot of tape on the Vikings, and they should watch how their division rivals do things to get some idea of what to do.

Their defense is closer to being corrected than their offensive line, so there really is hope in Chicago. I mean, assuming a healthy and rested Brian Urlacher comes back next year, that alone will act as a needed upgrade to help the rest of the defense.

So goodbye 2009 Chicago Bears. I'm done worrying about you, or letting you ruin Sundays. I won't be one of those near-sighted Chicago fans that thinks the world is ending and that Jay Cutler is bringing the apocalypse, but I am someone who likes to watch good football (like I am right now- Saints vs. Patriots- so awesome!)

Thanksgiving NFL Action?

I say "Action?" because these are some bad games, people! Sometimes I wonder what the NFL thinks when they are scheduling Thanksgiving games, but I have to believe it's something like, "People are going to watch no matter what, so let's get these games out of the way." Now, I was looking forward to the nightcap rematch of Super Bowl XXI, but that was before the Broncos went on a four game losing streak and the Giants just broke their streak of futility in overtime against the Falcons. Am I complaining? A little. Am I still going to watch? Oh hell yes!

Packers @ Lions - Green Bay -11:

I have to believe that the Packers get the job done on this one. Matthew Stafford is proving himself to be a savage, but he may not play due to his separated shoulder. I'll be cheering for the Lions, but as I said, I'd be surprised if the Packers don't get the "W." Would I take Green Bay with the points? Uhh... I wouldn't bet it personally, but if I had to, then yes. Yes, I would.

Raiders @ Cowboys - Dallas -14

Really? You're going to favor a team by 14 points that has scored a combined 14 points in two weeks? In the battle of the two least lovable NFL franchises, I am (I can't believe I'm saying this) taking the Raiders to cover. I don't think Oak-town is going to win, but I do think they can cover now that JaMarcus is on the bench.

Giants @ Broncos - New York -6.5

Is Kyle Orton playing? ESPN says yes, so I'll take the Broncos at home to cover against the Giants. Both of these teams are shaky at best, so I really have no idea how this will work out. I'm going with the Broncos because they are at home, and the Giants have to play on a short week in the thin air of the mountains.

Enjoy Thanksgiving- especially if you have one of John Madden's "turduckens." Then you know you'll have a great holiday!

Honoring a Legend

I'd like to make today Cornholio Day today here at Second Rate Blog. Let's take time to remember your favorite Cornholio moment. Look back on the greatness and cherish the good times. Maybe even use some TP for your own bumhole.

Wal-Mart

Update: I was wrong about Monday Night Football last night. My apologies to Vince Young and Kris Brown.

After the game, I practiced some music and then made my way over to the Wal-Mart in West Sacramento. It was a freaking circus. In fact, it always is. It doesn't matter what time you go there (I happened to be there at 10pm), it is always filled with interesting folks.

A stressed out African American woman yelling at her two of her childern- one named Kobe and the other named Shaquille? Check.

Two gay dudes- one overweight with a mohawk- holding hands and looking at cookware? Check.

A worker who was carting pallets around while singing at the top of his lungs about his "baby that left him, and one day she'll be lonely, too?" Check.

So without further delay, I'm recommending this site:

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

I'm fairly certain that Wal-Mart experiences vary by region. Having said that, most experiences at Wal-Mart are probably quite similar.

Mangina on CBS Sports?

In a hilarious typo, this picture shows the CBSSports.com website (my favorite website to get sports info) had a story up about Eric Mangini and Jim Schwartz disagreeing about whether or not the Lions faked injuries to slow down the Browns' no huddle offense.

It's initially hilarious because these two terrible teams are bickering about their close game. It's even more hilarious that Mangini is referred to as "Mangina." So awesome.

A Case of the Mondays

This weekend was completely backwards. I went to bed pretty early on Friday night only to wake up and participate in the Davis Turkey Trot. Our group walked the 5K but of course ran the very last bit and crossed the finish line. We were completely unofficial (as in, we didn't pay for our t-shirt or our official time) because that money was going to be put toward breakfast.

Of course, last night, Mrs. B. and I went to hang out with my best man, Sean and his lady, Trish. It was a lot of fun, but it doesn't make much sense as to why I was in bed early on Friday night, yet stayed out late on Sunday night. In between, here's what happened:

- I've been learning a few new cover songs. In fact, I think I mentioned all of them earlier last week (Cheap Trick, Beatles, Bob Marley.) They all are sounding pretty good and I'll play them in Roseville at my next show 12/5.

- On Saturday, Mrs. B. and I went to our favorite yogurt place, Mochii. As we were leaving and just about to reach my car, a dude in a white molester van yells at us, "I know you're not going to be greedy and eat all that!" I chuckled and kept walking. His van was still at the stop light, so he yelled, "I'm serious! Gimme some of that!" I looked at him puzzled and just shook my head. The light turned green and drove off. I thought for a second I was going to have to throw down over yogurt that I purchased. I guess that's an example of just another day in downtown Sacramento.

- I didn't attend the game, but UC Davis was beat for the second year in row by Sacramento State. Pretty embarrassing stuff for the match-up that UCD considers its rivalry game. UC Davis was up 14-3 at half, and then ended up letting Sac St.'s benched QB come in for the second half and torch their secondary. Final score 31-28. Horrible.

- I watched many National Geographic shows on Saturday. I learned about the Codex Gigas (narrated by Dominic Monaghan)- otherwise know as the "Devil's Bible." It's a 165 lbs. Bible that was written by a single monk during the monk's medieval lifetime. The most distinguished feature is the full page drawing of the devil on one of the pages. It was pretty interesting.

The other show that was fairly interesting was about prehistoric crocidiles and theories about how they were able to hunt dinosaurs and survive when dinosaurs did not. The best part is when they animated a re-enactment of Boar Croc and showed how it would have hunted dinosaurs. Savage!

- Where do I start with football? I think the Bears have made me a worse person this year. Their losses on national TV put me in a horrible mood. I'm probably at my least tolerable as a human after a Bears' loss.

Besides the last interception, I thought Jay Cutler played better. True- he did miss three different throws that would have all resulted in touchdowns, but his usual array of multiple primetime turnovers were absent for most of the game. The only thing that made me feel ok about the game was when Donovan McNabb talked with Cutler for a couple minutes after the game. It was actually impressive how long McNabb was in his ear. I can only imagine what he was saying to him:

"Hey Jay, stop throwing interceptions! You're leading the team I grew up rooting for- make better decisions!"















As a much maligned quarterback himself, I'm sure McNabb had lots of good advice for Cutler. We'll see if it makes a difference later on.

I'm not excited about Monday Night Football tonight. Texans vs. Titans? Am I wrong in thinking the AFC South is the most boring division in football? I know the Colts are great, but I'm still bored by AFC South inter-divisional match-ups. No idea why.

Enjoy the beginning of the week- thank goodness it's a short one!

Friday Music Recommendation

Fact. There is too much horrible music out there. Another fact. There is also too much great music that is not listened to by the mass population. With this in mind, I'd like to sway people away from Nickelback and move them toward a higher quality listening experience. Here are some recommendations that will make your Friday much better and it might even improve your quality of life in general.

(I'm not assuming that people reading this have never heard of all the artists I recommend, but if you haven't- then give these a listen and see what you think!)

Cult hero Jeff Buckley passed away FAR too early. As it stands, he still influences tons of musicians and his truncated but amazing catalog is worth a million listens. Here is him performing "Lover, You Should Have Come Over" live in Chicago:



Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers are not as well know in California, but on the East Coast it is another story. They are practically local celebrities in Boston. I recently went to see SK6ers and unfortunately all I got were the Sixers (Stephen Kellogg was sick.) Here is them playing "Such A Way" live in Virginia.



Last on the list today is Okkervil River from Austin, TX. I saw them this past summer because they opened for Wilco. At the time I thought they were pretty good, and I've listened to them more since the concert with growing enjoyment. Here is them playing "Singer Songwriter" off their most recent album:



I hope you like the selections today. Feel free to comment about whether or not you like the songs, other songs people should check out, or just about how much you hate Nickelback.

NL Cy Young

Zack Greinke won the American League Cy Young award for his absolutely sick 2.16 ERA. Even though he went 16-8, the writers managed to stay out of their own way and still award him the top honor in the AL (Justin Verlander was 19-9 and Felix Hernandez was 19-5.)

So who will win the NL Cy Young today? There are three favorites:

Chris Carpenter: 17-4, 2.24 ERA, 3 Complete Games, 192+ Inning pitched, 144 K, and 1.01 WHIP

Adam Wainwright: 19-8, 2.63 ERA, 1 Complete Game, 233 IP, 212 K, and 1.21 WHIP

Tim Lincecum: 15-7, 2.48 ERA, 4 Complete Games, 225+ IP, 261 K, and 1.05 WHIP

This is pretty close to a pick 'em. They each have categories where they beat each other. For instance, Carpenter missed about a month with an abdominal injury, but still managed to get 17 wins and 3 complete games with a WHIP of 1.01. Tim Lincecum led the league in strikeouts, had 4 complete games, but got little run support, so he has only 15 wins. Wainwright pitched a ridiculous 233 innings and has most wins. However, Wainwright also has the highest ERA and WHIP of the group.

What is the right choice? I'm inclined to say Lincecum, but that's only because he plays in my local market and I know what a savage he is (it also hurts the other candidates that they happen to play for a certain team in St. Louis...) I also would pick Lincecum because I'm a huge fan of the strikeout. Timmy led the league in strikeouts and that leads me to believe he needs to rely on his defense less than the other to pitchers. There are a lot of variables in baseball that create a great season for a pitcher (defense, run support, etc.) but Lincecum limits the luck by striking more batters out than the other guys (though it still only got him 15 wins this year, and 17 wins last year.)

Tim Lincecum for Cy Young! We'll see if it happens. I wonder if Giants fans want him to win? It will only mean that the Giants will have to pay him even more in arbitration this year. Any of these three pitchers deserve the award. I'm looking forward to the announcement.

(No weed jokes?! What is going on today?)

So a Bear and a Rabbit...

Yesterday, my co-workers and I went to lunch at the Black Bear Diner in Davis. I had never been there since it was switched from Bakers' Square over to the Bear. It's essentially the same premise (a place that has all-day breakfast, pies, lunch and dinner food) except with much bigger portions. Being that I did not eat breakfast earlier in the day, I was starving and it was time to eat Mark Mangino [pictured] style!

Since none of us had exact change, my boss began to ask if we could have separate checks. The acned ginger waiter said in a very dry, but seemingly joking way, that he didn't want to split the checks. Eventually he agreed to it, and we figured that we had a decently funny/tolerable waiter with a very dry sense of humor.

The service was fine as we got our food and drinks in a timely manner. I ordered an omelette that came with a tortilla, salsa, avocado, jack cheese, tomatoes, some other stuff, and diced potatoes. I absolutely crushed it and it was quite the satisfying meal. But does this story have a point? Why yes, it does!

After getting our separate checks, we went to the front to pay. We waited as each of the five of us paid, and our server came up to say bye to us. Over the course of the meal, we had joked with him, so I guess he felt overly comfortable with us. Comfortable enough to step over the line.

"You guys want to hear a joke?"

Us: "..."

"Ok- So, a bear and a rabbit go into the woods to take a shit..."





























Now, after just destroying my meal, and being full, the only shit I want to think about is my own- not anything coming out of a bear or a rabbit. To be honest, I probably wouldn't have cared if he was actually telling a) a funny joke and b) one I hadn't heard before.

"The bear asks the rabbit, 'Hey, do you ever get shit stuck to your fur?'

"The rabbit says, 'No.' So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit."

It was a trainwreck delivery, not original, and got no laugh. After a five second delay, there were moderate smiles to try and make him feel better, but I think he realized he stepped over the line of appropriateness (not only with us, but with the family behind us waiting to be seated.) He slunk back into the inner area of the restaurant like one of those vampire things from "I Am Legend" during the daylight. The person at the register remarked, "Yeah, I'm really sorry about him."

Our group finished paying, and went back to work having had a filling meal, and a lasting memory that will live on forever.

Who's Time Is More Important?

Because I worked on Saturday, I had the day off on Monday. I went over to the Capitol Casino to play in their morning $25 poker tournament (I finished 34th of 85 due to King/Jack getting defeated by Queen/10- Ugh.)

Anyway, I was doing other productive things after the tournament and one of which was going to the local Ace Hardware to get super strong Ant traps. We've had a little infestation at Casa de B. and the ants need to get dominated worse than Apollo Creed in Rocky IV. I did a quick Google Map search of where said Ace Hardware was and I was on my way.

Google Maps sent me to the back of the Ace store which was surrounded by razor wire and looked like what I imagine a back alley drug ring to look like. Luckily, the fence was open to the gravel parking area and I sauntered toward the back door.

Upon entering, I was fortunate enough to immediately find the aisle that contained the orange box of ant-death that I was looking for. I picked up the box, walked straight to the register only to find a line that was at least six people deep. Only one register was open, so the wait was at least a few minutes.

I could sense that the people behind me were growing restless. In particular, the woman behind was pacing a bit and leaning over to see how the cashier's transaction was going. All of a sudden, I see her pass me on my left and go to the front of the line. She walks up to the guy who was second in line and says, "Can I go next- I have to get back to work."

Well, well, well Ms. Impatient! My first thought was to check my phone for the time. It was, in fact, 12:59. If you had to get back to work by 1pm- why in holy hell are you shopping at Ace Hardware at 12:59 (or even 12:55!)

My next thought was, why does the guy up front get to decide? I mean, shouldn't the woman have to ask each person who was in front of her before going up to the beginning. I was in line before she was, but now I don't get a say in this? Seems wrong, don't you think?

In effect, the woman was saying to the person up front and to the rest of us, that her time is more valuable than ours. She assumed she was the only one who was going back to work or had something else important to do. She might have been correct in this- however, that would also mean she was the only one stupid enough to shop at a hardware store 1 minute before she needed to be back at work.

Right as the guy was about to tell her, "No" (he was about to do it- it would have been sooo sweet!) another register opened up and she rushed over there to get taken care of. Ironically, the guy in front of her beat her to the other register and was first to check out. Other people left as well, leaving me next in line.

In the end, I checked out and left the store before the impatient woman making sure that everything was still right in the Universe.

Also, I passed on the free Popcorn that Ace Hardware had at the register. It didn't seem like it would have been a good idea to eat it.

A Case of the Mondays

My weekend was almost non-existent. Friday I had a headache, took medication for it, and then said medication made me dizzy, queezy, and help ruin my Friday night.

I woke up Saturday to work the final UC Davis home football game. The Aggies won 28-20 which somehow gave them a conference championship (3-1 in the made-up Great West Football Conference- exciting, right?!) So you might ask yourself, how are there only 5 teams in UCD's conference? Well, because we are in the Big West for most sports, yet almost none of the Big West teams have football programs, we've been forced to align ourselves with other universities in the biggest hodge-podge of a conference ever invented. Cal Poly, North Dakota, South Dakota, South Utah, and UC Davis. I can't imagine recruiting kids by telling them- "Ya know, we get to go to North Dakota or South Dakota every year!" I'm not sure if this gets us into the playoffs, but I do know there is no chance of another home game.

Directly after I left the game, I went to my co-worker's daughter's quinceanera in Woodland. In telling the DJ to play "dinner music" during dinner, he chose Latin/Techno remixes of "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry, and "Careless Whisper" by some Latin artist (originally by the greatest of WHAM!, though.) A more in depth review may have to wait for another day...

Then I went directly to Roseville to play a show from 9:30 - 1. The show went very well, though I need to learn some new songs for my own sanity. "I Want You To Want Me," "A Little Help From My Friends," and "Three Little Birds" were all requested, so those seem like a good place to start. Thanks to everyone who came out, danced, and sang along.

Sunday, after watching the Field Goal Bowl between the Steelers and Bengals, I went into the studio, did one back-up vocal track, four tracks of bass, and officially finished recording on my next record! Now it's up to my producer to mix and master it. There is some possibility for me to go back in for touch-ups, but it is a great weight off my shoulders to have it finally done!

Oh no! I just remembered the Browns are on Monday Night Football tonight! What a horrible selection! Come on NFL/ESPN- you're better than this!

Friday

So my predictions/fears of last night's game being "competitive" and "not betting on the Bears to win" were fairly accurate. But to all those Niner fans that want to talk smack today- how about you don't? Your team sucks too. On a short week, at home, when the opposing QB has already thrown four interceptions, the Bears were still driving for the win in the last minute. Guess what? The Bears and Niners are now both 4-5 after last night's game, so seriously, I don't want to hear any gloating about how slightly less terrible your team is than mine. Oh, and make fun all you want- you would still rather have Jay Cutler over Alex Smith, Shaun Hill, or whoever else your team might want to throw out there.

After the game was over, it took me a bit to get back in a good mood. In some respects, I'm still not in a good mood after watching that supposed "NFL" game. However, #1 item that helped me feel a little better was this dunk by Dwayne Wade:



They may have lost the game, but that was one of the sickest dunks I've ever seen. I remember when I used to dunk on people like that- oh- what's that? That never happened? Oh, right. Well, have a great weekend- and I'm playing at the Boxing Donkey in Roseville Saturday night at 9:30pm.

Bears vs. Niners Preview

I have been like a battered woman this year watching the Bears in the sense that viewing their games is like a sick punch to the gut each time, yet I still keep watching. I think, “They mean well- they’ll play better next week!” Inevitably, they top their inept play each week and bury me and the rest of Bear fans in a coffin of football depression.

That being said, tonight will be a competitive game. Why, you ask? Well, the Niners also are inept and inconsistent, and they will allow the Bears to hang around. Mike Singletary is “not into moral victories” except I heard him on the radio earlier in the week after the loss to the Titans saying “There were things that football people can see going on with our team that were positive despite the scoreboard not going our way.” That sounds like a moral victory, Coach. I respect the hell out of Singletary, and he is doing a good job for the Niners, but let’s be honest, the NIners don’t have the complete talent to be a true playoff contender. Remember the Bears lost to Atlanta 21-14- the Niners lost to those very same Falcons 45-10. I know common opponents don’t always equate other results, but that seems to be a significant difference in score.

And then we have Vernon Davis. Last year, he was kicked off the field for not giving good enough effort. This year, he is a captain, playing very well, and shooting off his mouth while the Niners are in the midst of a 4 game losing streak. Davis said, “We will destroy the Bears defensive line.” Really? Because the last time I checked (and I check often as I listen to the Bay Area’s KNBR 680 THE Sports Leader every day) the Niners have one of the worst offensive lines in the entire NFL. Their best offensive lineman is Joe Staley and he is injured. As long as Tommie Harris doesn’t punch Vernon in the face and get kicked out of the game 1 minute in, I think the Bears will be fine tonight.

This leads me to the biggest disadvantage the Bears have tonight- the travel. In a short week, they had to spend one of their days traveling from Chicago to San Francisco. The Bears will be less prepared and less energetic and that worries me. They have proven to be the least resilient team in the NFL, so why would be Bears be able to overcome these disadvantages this week?

I think we will get a competitive game tonight, but I’m not sure who will win. I will say that one of my friends offered up a $10 bet where I would take the Bears and he would have the Niners and I declined. This is not a game I would bet on and that speaks volumes about where I, as a fan, perceive the Bears place in the NFL is.

Verteran's Day

Hopefully, you're like me and have Veteran's Day off. But what is there to do with your random Wednesday off? Here are some suggestions- some I'll also participate in, and some I won't, but it's all in the spirit of honoring our troops (ok, so maybe some of it is in honor of your American right to sleep all day. Speaking of...)

You could sleep 24 hours straight - Just pretend that there is no day off, but that this day is an opportunity to catch up on all the sleep that is missed during the normal work week. I try to not use a regular weekend day for this purpose, though it happens occasionally (or at least I sleep on the couch and/or watch HBO movies and the Discovery Channel all day.)

Complain about the state of your current favorite teams - Everyone has something to complain about. While one team may be winning a championship (for example, G$'s Yankees) there could be another beloved team that plays like a horrible grease-fire and has the upper management worse than Enron (G$'s Redskins.) So I'll start it off: The Cubs want to improve on their underachieving 83 win season, but they have almost no payroll flexibility. It seems as if their whole team is either eligible for arbitration or already has a ridiculously inflated guaranteed contract (I'm looking at you Alfonso Soriano.) The Bulls are playing well, but they got a BUZZER BEATER WAVED OFF THE CLOCK IN THEIR OWN BUILDING! The refs looked that shot over for many minutes and could barely tell if in fact the ball was still in Brad Miller's hand when the buzzer went off. It was the closest one of these I've seen in awhile, and honestly, I think the tie should go to the home team. The Bears are so bad right now, that Vernon Davis feels comfortable talking public shit about them! An underachiever most of his career, V. Davis has had a couple good games even though the Niners have lost 4 in a row, and this homeboy thinks it's ok to talk shit?! Last time I checked, the Bears also have a tight end capable of scoring 3 TD's in one game.

Play in a poker tournament - I might go over to Capital Casino in Sacramento to play in their daily tournament. We'll see how it goes.

Be productive - Maybe go work out? Write a song? Practice some bass guitar parts to finish up my album? The world is my oyster on this glorious day off.

Enjoy the Reno Peppermill website - The Peppermill's new website is hilarious! For example, here is the PARTY link/video that they have up. This video has a group of people cheers-ing, leading into one guy with two girls at a craps table, then to two girls walking down the hotel hallway in lingerie with a champagne bottle, and it finishes off with the grand finale of one guy and two girls in their underwear pillow-fighting. That pretty much sums up my experiences at the Peppermill as well.

Well, I suppose no matter what I do, it's going to be better than my decision to catch up on "Flashforward" last night. I watched 3 episodes, and I keep waiting for it to get good. Ugh.

Enjoy the day off!

N/A

I honestly thought long and hard about what to write about and I've got nothing. I'd rather not write about how the Steelers beat the Broncos last night. Or how the Golden State Warriors managed to score 146 last night against the Timberwolves. I was pretty sure the W's were going to go 0-82, so I'm pretty impressed with them right now.

I'd also not want to write about my massive back cramp that I experienced last night while exercising via the Wii Fit last night. Yeah, it was an all time low in my athletic prowess.

I cleaned the kitchen and bedroom of my humble Sacramento apartment yesterday, and that would be horrible to write about. I also played some songs that will probably be on my next next album, but I'm not really excited to write about those either!

My point is, I've got nothing interesting to talk about today. I wish I did. I'm trying to continue the streak of being a consistent blogger, but when you've got nothing, there's not much to do about it.

Hopefully inspiration will strike me tomorrow.

Instead- I hope you enjoy this iTunes review of my first album "Tonight I Confess:"

"Scrumtrulescent!

That's really the only word that comes to mind when searching for an appropriate adjective to describe this masterpiece of an album that makes the work of musicians such as U2, Dave Matthews, Coldplay, Beethoven and Back PALE in comparison. Tony's music has a way of changing you... inside and out. Quite literally. For example, inside my chest I used to have a heart... but after listening to Tony's music for 48 consecutive hours with no sleep and very little food or liquid... I now have two! So buy this album people; see what new organs you might grow!"

Thanks Ribeye24...

A Case of the Mondays

Well that was a short and busy weekend! And if you think I'm going to talk about the Bears- well you would be wrong. There's a chance I might kill myself mid-post if I decide to wri-




That was close. Stopped typing just in time. Saturday was quite the busy day. I had to work early in the morning at the UC Davis/Cal Poly football game. The game sold out completely and UC Davis got the big win over the rival Mustangs 20-10. I left around half time because I had to...

Go to Harrison and Vanessa's wedding in San Jose. Because of work and since it was a two hour drive, we rushed to get there right on time for the reception. Upon arriving, I changed into my suit outside in a public park. I figured I wouldn't be the only bum in my underwear, so no one would care.

I fully enjoyed the entrance by the wedding party. Harrison had purchased personalized San Jose Sharks jerseys (do hockey people call them sweaters?) for each groomsman and one for himself. For the bride and groom introduction, they had the actual San Jose Sharks entrance music- which was a nice touch. I could've used an appearance from Sharky the mascot, but he was busy at the Sharks/Pens game down the street.

The buffet was really good. Salmon, beef, three types of pasta, two salads, regular and garlic bread. Very solid. Nothing more enjoyable than stuffing yourself full at wedding (unless you're drinking yourself full, I suppose.)

And of course that brings us to the live band. Take 2 was a very good cover band that was perfectly suited for the event. They played a wide variety of music. Journey, Bon Jovi, and Van Halen on one end of the musical spectrum- Gwen Stefani, Duffy, and "P.Y.T." by Michael Jackson on the other. That shhh- was bananas! They ended the night with "Don't Stop Believin'" by Harrison's request, and I believe there is a video floating around of it- so if you can find it- good for you! It was a fun sing-a-long and a great end to the reception.

The next morning I was excited to realize that the Bears and Cardinals were on local TV- but not for long (I just can't help myself can I?) Just awful. Words can't describe how hollow I think Lovie Smith's message is coming across to his players.

The Niners looked a little better, but not much. Can't wait for that monster Thursday Night match-up this week, right?! It might be time to give up on the NFL season already.

Sunday night, Mrs. B. and I decided to meet up with some of my friends from high school at the Stephen Kellogg & the Sixers show at Marilyn's in Sacramento. My friend Adam was doing sound and informed us that Stephen Kellogg had come down with laryngitis and would not be performing. The Sixers, however, still went on without him and were actually pretty entertaining. It was a bummer to not get the full show as SK6ers are from Boston and don't come around the left coast all that often.

The highlight came when bass player Kit Karlson stripped down to his underwear to dance around. Their final song was done completely acoustic with the band standing in the crowd (and yes, Kit was still in only his underwear) where they sang "See You Later, See You Soon." I still would've prefered to see Stephen there, but overall it was a fun show and I do recommend checking out their records.

So there was the not-quite-Bear-free recap to my weekend. I am so pumped for Veteren's Day on Wednesday. I might sleep all day (or record music all day- who knows?!)

On This Friday

Another successful night of Live Band Karaoke was last night and some of our new songs kicked ass! "Man In The Box" by Alice In Chains, "Sober" by Tool, "Longview" by Green Day, and of course we still rocked Danzig's "Mother."

One of the highlights was when a guy named Adam came up to sing. Adam is a little guy who is in a wheelchair, and he requested Creedence Clearwater's "Travelin' Band." We truly hadn't played this song ever, but we worked it out quickly and Adam killed it on the vocals. It was a highlight of the night!

Not much else besides Tim Lincecum getting caught with weed. All of his starts will be at 4:20 next year (ba-zing!) Seriously, I could care less. Keep on pitching well and no one will care either.

Enjoy the weekend!

Benefits of a Yankee Championship

The Yankees are champions once again. Mariano Rivera said that the others were special, but this championship is the best (I'm paraphrasing, of course.) While many people are grumbling in distaste about championship number 27 for the Bronx Bombers, let's think about the good things that can come from a Yankee championship.

• It puts Red Sox fans back in their place - For awhile, Red Sox fans were starting to scare me. They broke "the curse" in 2004, which I found encouraging because as a Cubs fan, I'd like to think it can be done. When they won in 2007, I heard more than a few Sox fans say, "This one's ok, but it's not as good as 2004." They got one championship and all of sudden they're content. Well, this will once again stoke the fires of the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry, and puts the Red Sox and their Nation back in the passenger seat.
  
• The Phillies don't win back-to-back titles - I don't run into too many Phillies fans, but stereotypical Phillie fan is really annoying. It's not ok to let Philadelphia win two championships in a row, so I think we can all be glad that a repeat didn't happen.
  
• Joe Girardi can afford braces - Did you see those things? I didn't realize he had them until the post game show. I'm suprised he couldn't afford them back when he was a player. Next mission for Joe- teeth whitening.
  
• Capitalism works again! - It may not always work, but it's nice to know if you spend the most money, that once every 9 years you can be the best.
  
• It's ok to hate the Yankees again - Even I was soft on the Yankees last week. Now that they've won championship, it's completely ok to hate them again! I have a hard time hating a team that donates money to the charity of the MLB luxury tax when they don't win a championship. However, when they do, well, it's ON!
  
• You can win without steroid use - Unless there's some new drug that no one knows about, or the Yankees players are dumber than Charlie Manuel sounds, I have to believe this is a clean championship. A-Rod can't be using. Neither can Petitte. I know Jeter wouldn't and Rivera has no need for performance enhancers. I can't see a scenario where steroids were involved with this team, which is a positive thing for baseball.
  

So good for the Yankees. I'm glad it's over so we can start focusing on the Winter Meetings and next year!

A Christmas Carol- Really?

Filmmaker Robert Zemeckis has been in the biz for a long time. He's made classics like Roger Rabbit, the Back to the Future trilogy, and Forrest Gump. Recently, however, he's fallen in love with 3D animation as his last two movies were the Polar Express and Beowulf and his upcoming A Christmas Carol follows right in line with those.

For being clearly expensive and "cutting edge" technology, these movies just look boring and dry. I don't know about you, but when I see the preview for A Christmas Carol I think, "I wouldn't see that movie even if Jim Carrey showed up to my house and personally asked me to go see it with him." There's just no way you can get me to buy into this crap (am I being Scrooge-like? Ironic, I suppose...)

I think the main problem is that Zemeckis has gotten so comfortable with this 3D imaging, that he's forgetting that a good story that is well executed is more important than any animation or CGI that money can buy. The best example is Beowulf. A story that is so good, that no one truly knows who wrote it because it's that old (there's debate about who the author is, but I don't believe anyone knows 100% who wrote it.) Obviously, we're looking at a classic tale that was passed down from long ago. However, I was bored out of my mind during that movie. To this day, it might be the worst movie I've seen with Mrs. B., and let's keep in mind that the first movie we ever saw together was Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween. Ouch.

After A Christmas Carol, Zemeckis is on to re-making Yellow Submarine. He's ruined a childhood classic (Polar Express), a classic legend (Beowulf), and a Charles Dickens' novel (A Christmas Carol.) Now he's going to ruin the Beatles??? If we could only send Mr. Stickland from Back to the Future on a hunt for Zemeckis- I know Strickland would love to rid the world of one more "slacker." Oh, and I'm talking about the gun-toting version of Mr. Strickland from Back to the Future II.

Hollywood will always make crappy movies, but I expect more from a filmmaker that has proven he can make good movies. Right now, it appears he's choosing not to.

World Series Observations

To be completely honest, I've been casually watching the World Series (which was far better than the 5-10 minutes I spent watching last year's Fall Classic.) I must say, for better or worse, this year's Series has been very entertaining. There has been plenty of drama and plenty of intestinal fortitude on display. Here are some of the highlights thus far:

• Chase Utley for MVP -Seriously. The Phillies could've lost last night and I could still see him as the MVP of the series. He's set the World Series record for home runs with five (tying Reggie Jackson's 1977 record) and he's absolutely proving that he's one of the most dangerous hitters in the game. 100% Grade A Savage.
  
• Mariano Rivera is the best closer ever - I didn't need this year's Series to tell me that, but he proves it time and time again. I could also see him getting the MVP if he closes out Game 6 or 7. His 39 pitch, 2 inning save was undeniably great.
  
• Ryan Howard is a flawed hitter - Really?! 11 strikeouts? Is Howard going to break the strikeout record for a World Series? Well, he's only one away, so yes, he is. He's horrible at hitting left handed pitching. It seems like Howard has been feasting off of average pitching and folds up against good/great competition. He's been wildly exposed in this series.
  
• Johnny Damon is killing it - Just when you think this guy is irrelevant, he comes into a contract year and is nails. His steal of second and third in Game 4 was a great heads-up play and he's been coming through in the clutch over and over. It's impressive.
  
• Giants fans still can't figure out how Pedro Feliz hit a clutch home run off Joba Chamberlain. Can any of you?
  
• The Series gets even better tomorrow when Pedro Martinez takes the mound against his old buddies. Pedro vs. the Yankees does make the Series a bit more interesting, doesn't it?
  

Playoff baseball can be an amazing thing to watch, and so far this Series has not disappointed anyone. Hopefully there's more excitement to come.

A Case of the Mondays

After a great show on Friday night at the Pyramid Walnut Creek (thanks to everyone who came out!) it was on to San Francisco for a night of drunken Halloween-ness. Since the Bay Bridge is closed based on its instability, we took BART to get into the city. We stayed at the Westin Hotel, which was very nice and fairly cheap.

Once we were settled in the hotel room, it was time to start getting ready. Luckily, I literally had to do nothing as I had the easiest costume of the night. We were Dharma Initiative workers from Lost. The extent of my costume was a beige jumpsuit and that's pretty much it. Mrs. B. had a simple enough costume, but she needed time to do her make up and hair. Here is the result:



















It was a great costume for being comfortable, not having to take too much time to get ready, and it still stoked the fires of occasional Lost nerds that we ran into throughout the night. Here are the players for the rest of the night and what they were dressed as:

Sean - The chef from Ratatouille
Trish - Penguin
Kevin - Papa Bear w/ a blow-up Goldilocks in tow
Lydia - Mama Bear
Kat - Baby Bear
Woods - A Yak (though it was also possible that he was a Bull or a Viking)

Sean, Trish, Mrs. B. and I caught a cab out in front of our hotel. The cab driver didn't know where Woods' apartment was (yes, I gave him the address) so we ended up giving him a cross street that was still only half way there (our hotel was approximately a mile from Woods' place.)

So we paid the cab driver $6 to drive us about 3 blocks. Stupid, I know. But I was 7 drinks deep at this point, so I'm not sure how rational my plans were at this point. Sean forgot the alcohol bag, so he actually ran back to the hotel to get it (on foot.) Mrs. B. and I stayed put at a Starbucks.

The Starbucks closed a few minutes after we arrived, so we waited out on a corner. Two funny things happened at this point. One, a homeless guy eyeballed Mrs. B. and was none too subtle about it. "She lookin' good!" To which I agreed, but then I told him to move it along. I think he made another comment, but it didn't escalate too far.

The second funny thing was when a couple came walking by my right side. My back was turned to them, but the guy was curious as to what my jumpsuit said. He leaned around me to read the patch and name on my left side. I didn't notice that he was there. Just then a sneeze came over me, and since I didn't think anyone was there, I cocked my head to the right and sneezed into what I thought was the night sky. What really happened, was I sneezed directly in this guy's face who was a solid 10 inches from my sneeze. It was a facial! He just walked away without saying anything. The look on his face was priceless though!

We finally arrived at the party and it was really great. They had a lot to drink, some snacks out on the table, the World Series was on, they had a separate projector that was playing "The Shining" and they even had a photobooth for guests to take ridiculous pictures (here's to hoping they don't end up on Facebook...)

At this point, much of the night is hazy, so I'm not sure how to describe it, but I do know we eventually ended up back near our hotel, we ate at Mel's, then eventually passed out safely in our hotel room. Completely successful Halloween weekend!

Other things of interest:

- I hate Brett Favre.
- Bears beat the Browns. Who cares?
- Yankees win again, this series looks over.
- Colts resort to a trick play to beat the Niners.
- Tom Cable beat his former wife and girlfriend. Anyone shocked?

Halloween Music

It's Halloween's Eve and what better way to get in the spirit than talking about Halloween music? In case you're not quite in the mood for giving out candy to heathens or going to a costume party that has 75% of the people dressing up as their favorite vampire, you can listen to these tunes to help you get there.

• "Ghostbusters Theme" by Ray Parker, Jr. - Let's forget for the moment that Ray Parker, Jr. was actually sued by Huey Lewis for copyright infringement (the song was too similar to "I Want A New Drug" by HL & the News.) This song is a happy go lucky song about busting ghosts and figuring out who to call when you have a paranormal emergency. Plus, it's highly danceable as Bill Murray and crew are demonstrating in the above picture. Busting makes me feel real good!
  
• "Thriller" by Michael Jackson - Hopefully this song wasn't actually about MJ's darkside (AKA his pension for child molestation) but as far as Halloween themed songs go, this one is at or near the top. The extended version with Vincent Price at the end (the original version) is 100% better than the edited/abridged version. Vincent Price is one creepy dude.
  
• "Nightmare On My Street" by The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and DJ Jazzy Jeff - Oh yeah! Haven't listened to this song in a solid 15 years? Well bust it out and enjoy Will Smith rapping about his experience with Freddy Krueger. A solid beat and excellent sound effects coupled with Will Smith's late 80's rap style is a great, yet cheesy combo. Oh, and this is song number 2 on the list that was sued for copyright infringement.
  
• "Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield - Now you all know this song as the theme song from "The Exorcist." If this doesn't help you get in the mood for some ghouls, ghosts, satanic demons, and horrible/unoriginal costumes then I don't know what will. This is one chilling song.
  

One last one, and this one wins for worst Halloween song ever. "Purple People Eater" by Someone I Don't Care To Look Up Or Recognize On This Blog. This might be the worst song I've ever heard. Literally.

So hopefully that helps you get in the mood for Halloween. Have a fun weekend and please people- don't try drinking anyone else's blood. It's not good for you.

We're Going With #6

The time has come in my ESPN Fantasy Football League to go with Jay Cutler for a week. You see, Mr. Thomas Edward Brady, Jr. has the week off, and my only QB option is my favorite diabetic, Jay Cutler. This makes me a bit nervous because I have watched #6 play the last two weeks and the results were less than thrilling. The passing yards are there (300 and 251) but the touchdown to interception ratio is not (2/2 and 1/3.)

Things aren't all bad, though. The Bears are playing at home against the inept Cleveland Browns. The Browns have scored in single digits four out of seven games and are the only team in the NFL that uses their own helmet as their logo. The Browns can't decide on which terrible quarterback to start, traded their best wide receiver after he fought with LeBron James' friend (what!?), and Eric Mangini looks to be a calm, cool, stress free 450 lbs.

As far as fantasy football goes, I'm feeling ok about starting Cutler this week. As far as being a Bears fan, I'm a little hesitant about the extension the Bears gave Cutler. He's now locked up through 2013 and he will now receive $20 million more in new money. Don't get me wrong, I think he's very good, and the Bears might as well lock him up based on all the draft picks they gave up, but I'm worried about his erratic play.

His occasional fits of multiple interceptions remind me of another quarterback near and dear to Bears' fans' hearts- Sexy Rexy Grossman. The Sex Cannon was amazing at times, and then was down-right amazingly horrible at other times. It's a little hard to figure out how Grossman was playing for the Bears just last year, and all the fans hated him because of his lack of ball protection, so the Bears cut him. Almost immediately, the Bears trade a quarterback who does protect the ball (Kyle Orton) and many draft picks for a guy who seems to be quite similar to Grossman (Cutler.)

Do I think Jay Cutler is better than Rex Grossman? Of course I do. Am I behind the contract extention? Yes I am. But does it worry me to see that #6 already has 10 interceptions through six games? You betcha.

Here's to hoping it all works out- this week and in the future.

Why Hate The Yankees?

I've already pissed off everyone except G$ with the title of this post. But I was talking this over with Clarkster's brother the other day and I explained rationally why it is ridiculous for people to have the amount of hate that they do for the Bronx Bombers. Being a Cubs fan, I could care less if the Yankees or Phillies win the World Series. However, I am glad that the match up brings a Fall Classic with some serious drama.

So back to the point at hand. Why hate the Yankees? Well, the obvious answer is because they "buy championships." This goes all the way back to when the Yankees purchased Babe Ruth from the Red Sox. Even back then the Yankees wanted to win at all costs.

But can the Yankees buy championships? Yes and no. They obviously have an advantage over teams from smaller markets, but that doesn't prohibit the Diamondbacks or Marlins from defeating the Yankees head to head in the World Series in 2001 and 2003, respectively. In fact, while the Yankees have been spending the most money of any team in history during this decade, they haven't won a World Series since beating the Mets in 2000. They did make the playoffs every year except one, but let's be clear: money does NOT equal guaranteed championships.

Many San Francisco Giants' fans hate the Yankees with the passion of the 1989 Earthquake. But if you ask a Giants fan about who they would like the Giants to sign in the offseason, you might get a Yankees-esque answer. Matt Holliday? Jason Bay? Trade for Adrian Gonzalez? And what would happen if the Giants ownership ponied up the cash to sign these players? Well, they'd have a payroll closer to the Yankees. They would have purchased players like the Yankees. Is there a little bit of jealousy of the Yankees from other fan bases? Absolutely.

And let's not forget my beloved Cubs. With about $135 million in payroll, how did the Cubs do this year? Well, they underachieved and were barely over .500. Their highest paid player, Alfonso Soriano (who looked like a great signing for the first two years), was a HUGE bust this year. Once again, sometimes money doesn't always equal great performance.

There's also SF Giant Barry Zito. Zito rebounded a bit this year, but we can all agree he's overpaid. Hell, there's also Carl Pavano who the Yankees purchased for 4 years/$40 million and was one of the biggest bust signings of all time. My point is that the Yankees were at their best with players named Paul O'Neill, Scott Brosius, Tino Martinez, and Bernie Williams and have not done quite as well with big ticket players like Jason Giambi and Alex Rodriguez (well, A-Rod's doing great this postseason, but up until now he hasn't done much.)

Besides the money, I absolutely hate when fans will cheer FOR their team's rivals when the rival faces the Yankees. A's fans are horribly guilty of this practice. I understand A's fans think there is a magical rivalry with the Yankees from the early 2000's, but let's be honest, the Angels are the A's main rivals right now. You should hate them above all else.

There is ZERO chance I will ever cheer for the Cardinals or White Sox over the Yankees. If either series ever presents itself, I will literally turn into a Yankee fan for a series. Watch me sing "God Bless America" and "New York, New York." In fact, if you ever see a Blue Jays/Cardinals World Series- consider me on the Toronto bandwagon. Insert any team against the Cardinals and I will cheer against St. Louis. That is what being a fan is all about.

So if you want to hate the Yankees, have at it. I really don't care. But let's be realistic about why you hate them. Come up with a better reason than "because they buy their players." Hate them because you can't stand Jorge Posada's ears. Hate them because Johnny Damon was once a Red Sox and now is a Yankee. Hate them because Mariano Rivera just seems too polite and it's hard to believe he can be such a nice guy, hard worker, and fierce competitor all at the same time. Hate them because George Costanza used to work for them on a fictional TV show. All of these reasons are better than the unoriginal and weak reasons that I hear over and over and over.

So comment away and feel free to disagree. I'm not really cheering for either team in the World Series, but I do hope the games are exciting and well played. But I refuse to have an irrational hate for a team that plays by the rules that baseball has set up which enrages other jealous fan bases.

By the way, what happens to all the luxury tax that the Yankees pay every year that gets split up among the other teams? Oh, that's right- most owners pocket the money rather spend it on new, better players. Now that is something you should hate.

No Post Today

Due to an illness in the family (me), there will be no post. I won't 100% tell you what the problem is, but I'm guess it's some form of food poisoning and the culprit restaurant rhymes with "Smapplebee's."

Las Vegas Bachelor Party

I'm back in the completely respectable state of California, and to sum up the trip- it was a great time. It was also expensive (at least for my newlywed budget) but luckily I played some pretty solid poker and still came home with money. To start this post, though, I'd like to say two things:

1) DON'T EVER PLAY BLACKJACK. Just don't do it. It goes too quickly, you almost never win, and dealers seem to be able to hit to 21 in the most soul crushing ways possible. You don't need to go watch Criss Angel or any other magic show; just stand by a blackjack table and watch the tricks of the amazing blackjack dealer! The shows run 24/7 and are in every casino!

2) THE BEARS ARE HORRIBLE. For all you folks who drafted Matt Forte between third and fifth in your fantasy draft, congratulations! You're team is losing! The loss of Brian Urlacher has clearly affected the team's defense in the worst way, and they are just not a hungry team. They let Cedric Benson talk crap all week and then run for 190+ yards on them. Have some pride guys. Oh, and watching the game at the Mandalay Bay Race & Sports Book was really painful. Imagine people betting on the Bears to push the line from -1 to -2.5 during the early games (because that's what happened.) It made for many unhappy Bears fans who inexplicably were wearing the ugly orange jerseys that the Bears most times don't/should never wear.

As for the details of my trip, we'll go with a quick list as to save time:

- Arrived, ate at the House of Blues in Mandalay.
- Went to the Poker Room, played for a few hours.
- Finally got into our room, where we had a very nice suite in Mandalay Bay. Our main TV was in a separate entertainment room and it was +60".
- Threw on our custom pink t-shirts and took over a Craps table. I won about $75.
- We then went back to the room where I promptly got into a UFC fight with my friend Kevin. He almost choked me out, but I turned the tide on him, created a wound on his chin (no idea how) and we both got blood on our shirts. It was awesome. PS: I did get him to tap out.
- Got bottle service at the Cathouse. It was more reasonable than some of the other clubs and was overall pretty fun.
- Eventually left and ate a Big Mac.
- In no way should I have played Poker in my state at that point, but I went to the Poker Room and played until 5:15am. I won around $400 which was amazing because one of the guys saw me down there and said he could barely tell if I was awake/alive.
- After a recovery breakfast, we went to the Mandalay Bay pool and lazy river. I highly recommend it- very classy to have a beach style pool in Vegas.
- Somewhere in there I played Craps and Blackjack with bad results. -$220.
- Steak dinner at Strip Steak. It was very good steak. One of the guys also ordered cow bone marrow. It was served in a section of bone. I didn't try it, but other people said it was good.
- We went big and got bottle service at XS in the Encore hotel/casino. That club was ridiculous. The dance floor was huge (and too crowded), it opened up to the pool (our VIP table was by the pool), and they have Blackjack and Craps inside the club!
- A bachelorette party came over to freeload off of us hang out, and that was pretty fun. Best part, one of the friends was wasted and tried to get closer to the middle of the group. She didn't see the edge of the pool and tripped. Half of her body went in the pool and her head was destroyed by the concrete. She seemed to be ok after a few minutes, but the smack made a really loud popping noise. Hopefully it was just her pride that was hurt, but let's just say she ended up ok so we can laugh about it now.
- I ended up back playing poker and I won back my previously lost Blackjack and Craps money. +$208.
- After a solid 3.5 hours of sleep, we went down to watch the NFL games. That Steelers/Vikings game was so enjoyable. I can't stand Brett Favre and I loved the fact that he lost Minnesota the game.
- The Bears game was another matter. I'm so glad I had to leave to catch my flight because there was no way I could stand watching another second of that game.
- The guy next to us won a 5 team parlay for $1000. Good for him.

So that was the main list of our activities. Feel free to ask for more info on any aspect, though be aware of the "What Happens In Vegas... (you know the rest)" rule.

Enjoy some Monday Night Football tonight. It should be a barn-burner.

Vegas Tomorrow...

So I'm headed to Sin City tomorrow for my buddy's bachelor party, and the early returns say it's going to be a great time.

We have extremely outlandish custom t-shirts:















We are more than likely going to PURE on Saturday where the incomparable Mr. Boombastic Shaggy will be performing (God, I hope this happens!)

We are staying at a savage suite in Mandalay Bay.

I haven't been to Vegas in over 3 years, so I'm definitely looking to have a great time.

But let's catch up with the what else I've been doing since getting back from Jamaica...

- Due to technical difficulties at the venue, I was not able to play my show at the Boxing Donkey on Saturday. I showed up, set up, and then the amp that runs the venue's sound was cutting in and out. Being that they are extremely well run, I was still paid, but I was bummed to not get to play. I need to get some of you Sacramento/Davis folks to come up to Roseville to hang out. The Boxing Donkey is a great place to hang out, eat, and drink cocktails until your drunk enough to fight a guy wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt.

- I've been playing the Wii a lot. Between Beatles Rockband and Wii Fit, I don't have much time for anything else. I am getting quite a legitimate workout with Wii Fit, and I'm not sure if that means it's a good program or if I'm horribly out of shape. I have a feeling it's somewhere in the middle.

- I found time to play some poker online at Full Tilt. Before the wedding, I turned $30 into $214+. I cashed out $200 to pay for some wedding expenses, so I was left with just over $14. The other night I bought into a cash game for $10. It slowly dwindled to $8 and I got involved in a hand with some Russian dude. The betting was sizable relative to my $8 stack and I was on a draw. By the turn I had a double belly buster straight, with a flush possibility. In other words, a lot of cards could help me. I called whatever the Russian bet and hit my straight on the river. I completely doubled through him and he was irate. "Kill yourself," he told me at least 5 times. He went on about how much I suck and blah, blah, blah. I needled him a couple times, but then eventually said, "This is ridiculous, it's over $8." One of the other players told him to chill out and then said, "From Russia with love."

Anyway, I cashed out with $22 in the end, then bought into two $10 sit and go's (9 person tournaments.) I got second in both, so all of a sudden, I have $54 in my account. Not too shabby.

- Hey! The Phillies won the NLCS... aaaaaaaaaaand nobody cares.

- Most entertaining story since getting back? No it's not the fake balloon/attict boy. It has to be: ESPN's dark sexual underbelly. What the hell is going on over at the Mothership? It's like a damn bath-house/brothel over there. I'm now creating a new goal besides keeping my future hypothetical daughter off the pole- she will also not be allowed to be an intern at ESPN!

I'm unsure if there will be a post tomorrow, but I'll try to squeeze one out. Oh, and if there are any folks with College Football bets I should get in on, let me know. I don't usually bet on College Football, but since I'm in Vegas on a Saturday, advice would be appreciated.

A Quck Plug and Video

I hope everyone's hump day is rolling along swimmingly. I have a couple items:

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2) This is a video from Pepperdine's midnight madness. Nice dunk young man!

Honeymoon In Jamaica Part 3

On this final installment, I'll wrap up some of the good stories and experiences that we had on the honeymoon. I would probably be impossible to squeeze in every story because there were a lot to be had. However, I'll do my best...

- Ziplining - Being somewhat scared of heights (I'm working on it), I was a little nervous to go ziplining in the rain forest. I essentially just looked around at the rest of the group and thought "if these folks can do it, so can I." Then I stopped thinking about heights and just decided to go for whatever challenge was placed in front of me.

The first few ziplines were no problem. They would hook up your harness, then tell you to sit down. Your weight would naturally carry you across the line. One guy in our group was not paying attention when they told us how to break, and he destroyed one of the guides as he arrived on the opposite side of the first line. It was like a free safety crushing a helpless receiver. Our guide Bobby was tough, though, and he kept on going.

Then we arrived to the zipline which was "the reason we paid money for the trip." 1000 feet across, 320 feet high, and over a river that the Jamaicans called "The River of Doom." It was a little nerve-racking, but once again, I tried my best to just do it and not think about it. When they hook your harness up they say, "Make sure you run, jump, and cannonball or your momentum will not carry you to the other side." Noted. So with that, I ran, jumped, and cannonballed across a massive ravine in the rain forest. It was awesome!

- Casino Night - Sandals had a Casino Night which mostly consisted of a few of the workers running a psuedo-poker and blackjack tables. I played poker and Mrs. B. played blackjack. The game was not set up like real poker, and let's just say it was an easy game to succeed at. I easily doubled my chips, yet some of the more naive guests did not do as well. At the end, Mrs. B. and I combined our chips and had the most, by far. Then they had a prize auction where we won a wooden giraffe, maracas, and a bottle of Appleton Rum. The dealers, Dwayne and Jason, were also really cool guys that we got to know from then on.
















- Jamaican Trivia Night - During the day, we had just gotten back from riding on a paddle-cycle in the ocean. By the pool, Jason was helping us learn about Jamaica. We listened, and then found out that there was a Jamaican Trivia night that night.

We showed up a little late to the main hall, but that did not stop us from dominating Jamaican Trivia. Mrs. B. was killing it and I had to go on stage as part of a game to translate Jamaican-speak into English. In the end, we won and received another bottle of Appleton Rum. Another Jamaican activity runner (they were called "The Playmakers") Micheal then helped us cash in our activity points. We had accumulated 260 points. In awesome Jamaican fashion, Micheal rounded up to 400 and we found ourselves with another bottle of Appleton rum (we otherwise would have gotten a necklace that neither of us would wear.)

So we left Jamaica with our three bottles of rum, maracas, huge wooden giraffe, and lots of great memories. It was a great honeymoon and I highly recommend Sandals Negril to anyone thinking about going to Jamaica. It is a really fun place with lots to do and really great people. The one downside- mosquitos! Watch out for those suckers!

If there are any follow up questions about Jamaica or the honeymoon, feel free to ask in the comments. I probably forgot to mention many details, but I have a feeling you got the overall jist of things. Tomorrow I'm back to talking about all things American, and on Friday I leave for a bachelor party in Las Vegas, so I'm sure there will be much to talk about.

Honeymoon In Jamaica Part 2

After waking up after all the restaurants had closed, we decided to once again trek to the Beach Grill. After eating a Jerk Burger and Fries (yeah, it's as good as it sounds) we went to the bar for drinks. We also played pool and ping pong. It was somewhat fun, but because of the timing of our travel, we were feeling like our activities should be a bit more exciting. In reality, we hadn't realized how to participate in the activities available to us.

In the morning, we stopped by the Beach Grill to talk to Julian (awesome Jamaican dude who seemed to work there every day) because Mrs. B. had inquired about getting some breadfruit the day before. Julian had told us to come back at 11am and he would see what he could do. Breadfruit, as it turned out, was out of season so Julian could not get it. Instead, he told us to come back around 12:15 and he'd have lobster grilled up for us. Since lobster was not on the Beach Grill menu, this was especially awesome of him. It was very good, and of course, served with fries.

For her wedding gift(s), I had gotten Mrs. B. three things. One was a bracelet to wear with her wedding dress. Two was a private beach dinner during the honeymoon. And three was a couple's massage during the honeymoon. In fact, the argument could be made (if you're a dick) that my gifts were not that great because I was involved in the beach dinner and couple's massage, but let's be honest, while I had fun at both I could have gone without both activities. When you go on a date and take a girl out to dinner, she doesn't call you selfish because you got to eat too, right?

Anyway, fast forward to us being naked in a dark room getting rubbed down by two Jamaicans (man for her, woman for me.) Minutes in, the massage lady starts whispering about other treatments that I might need. Apparently I have pimples on my nose that could use a facial, and that I need extra massage sessions to work out tension in my shoulders and lower back. Do me a favor lady, can you let me enjoy my hour massage without you whispering in my ear like a stripper trying to talk me into "extra service?" There's also nothing like being naked on a table and being told about small pimples on my nose that are maybe visible to the scientists at NASA but no one else.

The massage treatment, overall, was good. So good, that we decided to take an afternoon nap. We made this a habit for pretty much the entire trip. It also worked out because if I didn't feel like napping, the baseball playoffs were typically on so I could either nap or watch baseball. Part of the honeymoon is relaxing as well, right?

That night we ate at Chef Adrian's Barefoot Cafe. I ordered the Seafood Jambalaya and was ready to get after it. When it showed it, I was a little hesitant. You see, besides the usual shrimp expected in jambalaya there was some more exotic seafood included. The headliner were the two inch tall octopi that were here and there. I couldn't bring myself to eat the octopi in full, though I did eat some of the legs that had fallen off the main body of an octopus. There were mussels and something else that I'm forgetting. The dish as a whole was very good, and it helped me completely clean out my system of Beach Grill if you know what I mean (we're talking about clogging a toilet here people!)

That night Mrs. B. wanted get organized and figure out all the trips and activities we would participate in. We settled on:

- Ziplining through the rainforest (pretty much the coolest thing I've ever done.)
- Snorkeling with a dude that looked like a Chappelle's Show character. If someone told me that Dave Chappelle had escaped the US once again and was working in Jamaica as a snorkeling guide, I would not have questioned it because this guy looked exactly like him- only with silver hair.
- A sunset cruise that has booze and cave swimming (it ended up getting rained out, so we never ended up going)
- A trip to Rick's Cafe where Mrs. B. went cliff diving. I didn't because my thirst for thrill seeking was quenched by ziplining, and I didn't feel like my body would react well to a 70 foot drop into the ocean. The sunset there was amazing.

Part 3 tomorrow will wrap everything up on the honeymoon.

The Broncos are really 6-0? Damn. Maybe Kyle Orton wasn't so bad after all...

Drunkest Dude Ever

My buddy Phil has this up as his G-Chat status, and I can't help but find this hilarious.


Worst Shopping Run Ever - Watch more Funny Videos

Yeah, that was bad.

A Case of the Mondays

You know, I'd love to finish the Jamaica Honeymoon story- and I will soon enough, but right now I'm just a tad bit peeved about the Bears' Sunday Night Football Performance. Note to self: Don't even consider watching the Bears when they play on national TV- they apparently aren't good in big games. Especially on the road.

The good news? How in the hell did they even have a chance on their final drive to tie that game up? By comparison, the Niners got snapped off by a very good Falcons team last week, yet the Falcons let the Bears stay in the game until the end. So which way is it? Are the Bears a terrible team that manages to stick around or a pretty good team that underachieves and looks extremely lost at times?

Last thought on the Bears. They had their BYE week last week. One would think there would be extra time to strategize and be prepared for a big Sunday Night game. Not to mention, this game against Atlanta gave them an opportunity to exact revenge for the game last year where Matt Ryan and the Dirty Birds ripped out Chicago's soul with an 11 second field goal drive. It looked more like they spent two weeks going to strip clubs and falling asleep during Lovie Smith's pep talks (probably easy to do.) Definitely a disappointing loss, but a more disappointing effort.

Anyway, here are more NFL notes:

- The Raiders beat the Eagles??? I'd love to give analysis, but the game was blacked out because no one goes to Raiders games anymore, which was probably for the best. Great piece of news though- my friend from high school saw Donovan McNabb at the Gold Club in San Francisco late on Friday night (Saturday in the AM.) Apparantly McNabb was a complete gentleman- which is completely expected since he was at a gentlemen's club. Overlooking the game on Sunday? Maybe...

- Poor G$. I feel for you man. The Redskins are 2-4, and have yet to play any team with a previous win under their belt. The offense looks anemic. The coach is clearly going to lose his job sometime soon. The owner probably keeps $100 bills in his First Aid kit instead of gauze and band aids (get it? He throws money at the problem rather than actually fixing anything.) Look on the bright side, the Eagles just lost to the Raiders, so maybe there is a chance for the 'Skins on Monday Night next week.

- Tom Brady is the man. My fantasy teams have been struggling a bit, but not this week. This week I annihilated the competition and Brady had a lot to do with that (at least in one league.) His 380 yard, 6 TD performance was legendary. I was feeling some drafter's remorse after choosing him ahead of Drew Brees, but this game made me feel much better (though, in hindsight, I still should have taken Brees.) To top it all off, Brady did all that in the snowy weather! Take that, Mark Sanchez!

- I hate Brett Favre. I don't know how many more times I'll get to say that, but it might as well be infinity. This guy doesn't go away, and whether it's with the Packers or Vikings he always seems to make things difficult for the Bears. Stupid Ravens' kicker...

- The Saints are ridiculously awesome. They are built to win and have to be the scariest team in the NFL. It's like the Saints take other teams into a dirty room, wheel out a creepy puppet that tells the other team that they are "Going to play a game," and then the other team inevitably gets it's head smashed by two huge ice blocks (like Donnie from the New Kids in Saw IV!)






























By the way, that Yankees/Angels game was ridiculous the other night! A-Rod coming up in the clutch? I never thought I'd see it! Looking like a Phillies/Yankees World Series. That's ok, I guess. I'd almost rather have the Dodgers in there (for what reason, I have no idea), but I guess it doesn't matter. It should be entertaining either way (the worst possible WS would be Phillies/Angels- that would suck.)

I'll be back with more Jamaica stories tomorrow. Enjoy Kyle Orton inexplicably beating the Chargers tonight.

The Honeymoon In Jamaica

Let's start this story on the airplane. We took a flight from SF to Miami leaving at 11pm, getting to Miami at 7am. I had an aisle seat which I believe I requested. In my experience aisle seats have the most leg room for my 6'6" legs. This plane ride changed my thoughts on the matter.

For one, I needed to sleep, yet this didn't happen. I physically need a window seat to lean my head against the window side wall. I had a hard time sleeping with my head directly back or forward.

Second, the guy in front of me was easily the biggest douche I've ever come across on a flight. Upon seeing me, he sat down, immediately leaned his seat back, then continued to rock in his seat to get every millimeter back the seat would allow him to have.

Skipping forward, at the end of the flight, he didn't put his seat in the upright position for landing, he did, however, flick his dandruff filled hair back a few times. He tried to cut someone off by jumping in front of them in the narrow plane aisle, and I'm pretty sure he kidnapped a kid in the airport. Ok, so I made the last one up- but it seemed like something he would've done. I hope Dexter got a hold of him in Miami.

Having never traveled outside of the US, I am happy to say that the process of getting in and out of the country was not awful. It took a little patience, but overall, it was speedy and no one really hassled us.

Off the plane in Jamaica, you could tell immediately that we were not in the US. There were performers, musicians, and rouge street vendors around the airport which clearly would not fly in the US. We were directed to the Sandals lounge where they had complimentary Red Stripe and other drinks. After one beer, our taxi was ready.

We had an hour and half drive from Montego Bay to Negril. The lush greenery was fun to look at, but being placed in a car on a road with Jamaican drivers was a little nuts. They drive on the left side of the road, everyone tailgates, and almost all the roads are barely enough for one lane each way. Everyone passes each other in the oncoming lane, and as a bonus, drivers get to dodge people walking, riding bikes, and generally wandering around. Luckily, we had safe travels throughout the trip.

Our driver had us stop on the side of the road at a store that had a guy BBQing jerk chicken on the patio, also looked like a drugstore, and sold beer. The sign above the shop said, "We fully intend to apply for an alcohol licence the next time they are available." And yet I purchased another Red Stripe from them. Love the lawlessness of Jamaica.

Upon leaving the store to drink and get some fresh, humid ocean air, two things struck me. One, there were dogs just roaming around. The seemed friendly, though a little underfed. Hopefully the BBQ dude was going to hook the dogs up with some jerk chicken.

The other thing that was obvious, was the guy around the corner where the restrooms were who was whistling at us. No, dude, we're not buying drugs from you. Yes, I understand you have good stuff. No, we're seriously not interested.

Once we finally got to Sandals Negril, we were immediately give Rum Punch and a ice cold towel. Our bags were taken to our room and we got a mini-tour then also went to our room. The key to the room was not working properly, so they called maintenance. A friendly guy named Stanley helped us out by spraying WD40 in the lock. We found food at the Beach Grill, which was essentially the resort's fast food grill that is open any time the other restaurants aren't (for example, it's open from 11pm - 6:30am.) I think I got Jerk Chicken and fries during the first sitting. During my first bite, I had a vision of angels in heaven singing the most glorious harmonies about how good Jerk Chicken is.

Since we hadn't slept for an entire night, it was time to take a nap, then get our bearings together. Part 2 tomorrow...